It was New Year’s Day. January 1, 2019. A new year lies before me which means contemplation on the prior year. Keep what worked, drop what didn’t and create space for a fresh perspective and new intentions. I had a life-map to organize and a whole year to navigate the journey. I talked with my husband about what I wanted in 2019. Goals. Intentions. Workshops. Travel. I was seeking his advice and opinions on what sounded best for me. Should I do this? How about that? Is this really making me happy? As always, he was willing to listen, and even more eager to help find the “right” solutions. I felt supported and validated. I had a vision for 2019 that was all mine. Or was it?
After sitting with my shiny, new vision, this life-map as I call it. I realized I wasn’t so sure his advice totally resonated with me. Did it serve my higher purpose? Did he really know or have the answers to what I want? Well, the answer is both “yes” and “no.” “Yes,” because he knows me better than anyone and I totally respect him and value his opinions. But, at the same time, “no,” because there is one person who knows me the absolute best. ME! I began to realize I was allowing him, and quite honestly, everyone else, to map out my life for me. I really relied heavily on the advice of others to the detriment of listening to my inner wisdom.
Why was I constantly looking outside of myself for the answers that reside within? I was habitually reaching out to other people for advice and answers on how I should proceed in my life. Why was it so difficult to trust myself when deep in my bones, I believe, we have all the answers we seek. I realized, it felt safer to put the decision on someone else. That way, if anything were to go awry, there is no way in hell I could be at fault. I wouldn’t be wrong. I could point a finger “out there” and not take responsibility for any missteps in my own life. This my friends, is a sad revelation. A sad, and life-changing revelation.
And there it was. My true mission for the new year. Advice detox. I want to stop the incessant advice seeking and break the habit of looking outward for the answers. I want to rely on my own intuition and feelings to guide me to that which aligns with who I am, who I want to be and how I live my life. I want to create the life I desire and take ownership for all of it. The good and the bad.
Anybody with me? How many of us have learned, over time, not to trust ourselves with decisions? We’ve forgotten, out of habit or comfort or mistrust, to turn inward. We have lost faith in our own judgment-not just with the seemingly small decisions like where to eat or which movie to watch, but with the BIG questions of life-OUR life. Who am I? What do I want? Why am I here? What are MY goals for the next 5 years? Does this make ME happy? Does that align with who I am?
Now that advice detox is my mission,I have a new approach to life. I have revised my 2019 life-map to reflect what I really want and how I want to feel. I have asked, and will continue to ask, the questions to myself. Every intention and goal will be inspected by my heart. I have quieted, turned inward, become still, and listened. I have learned to be patient and to allow answers to unfold in their time, in their way. I have returned to trust my intuition and know that the answers will come. I know my life will be messy with twists and turns and unexpected detours. I take complete ownership of the journey, MY journey. And to me, that is a powerful and beautiful thing.
-Joane
